Baker's

My favorite place to grocery shop is "Baker's" on 132nd and Maple. "Favorite place to grocery shop" is kind of a misnomer because I HATE grocery shopping. It ranks right up there with visits to the gynecologist and to the dentist among things I hate to do. But one has to have certain things. In my case on this particular night the things I had to have were beverages, specifically bottled water (I LOVE "Fiji" artisan water) cranberry juice (to ward off bladder infections) and Berringer white zinfandel. I can do without food but have found that I will brave the horrors of a grocery store to get my favorite beverages.

So last night I'm at the store and the only registers open are the self-checkout lanes. Oh, did I mention that one of the things I do to avoid the grocery-shopping people is to go late at night when the store is empty? Because to be honest it is not the store I hate as much as the people shopping in it. I don't know why. It's not personal. The stock boys I love. I can take or leave the clerks. But the other shoppers just....

One of the bad things about the self-checkout, as convenient as it is, is that there's no room to put your stuff. So when the voice says "Please place your groceries in the bag" after about 4 items there's no space left. And if you move your stuff the voice will tell you to put it back. I had a shopping cart full of bottles. With 4 cases of water, 4 jugs of juice and 2 bottles of wine I had stuff everywhere. Just as I am scanning my final items and trying to figure out where to place them up walks this couple in their, oh...mid 30's, with a case of beer and a couple of other alcoholic/party implements. So I start to feel the stress of rushing to finish so this couple can have the register. I speed up a little....I feel that nervous internal quake you get when people are waiting on you...you know the one...like the way you feel in the airport security line when you have to take your shoes off and the people behind you are huffing and puffing because you're holding up the line.

The guy, clearly sensing my distress, goes "why don't we just go to that other register over there"....meaning the completely EMPTY register where there was NO ONE, instead of the one covered with all my bottles. And the girls goes "No this is fine, we can wait" (for me to finish) and she takes the case of beer from the guys hands and places it in the baby seat of MY SHOPPING CART. And just where did she think I was going to put all of those bottles after I took them from the 6 inches of self-checkout space? I had wondered if that was liquor I smelled on their breaths across the 3 to 5 feet of space between us, but that just cinched it.

At this point I just stopped and looked at her. I know what you're thinking but I didn't give her "that look"...the angry black woman "oh no you didn't" look. It was more of a "this situation was already funny, but I'm going to hold back my laughter of disbelief and just look at you until you realize what you just did" look. Also known as the "you can't be serious......?" look.

The girl looks at me, trying to look as sober as she could and says something. I don't know what she said. What I heard was "why are you looking at me like that?" At which point I replied "This is my cart. I still need it to take my stuff out to my car". At which point she removed her case of beer.

Sigh.....you just can't make this stuff up.