Problems Men Never Have

Well, not most men anyway.....

Yesterday I attended a shower for my friend, "the bride". Afterwards one of my other friends left her purse behind and I was chasing her around trying to give it to her. I decided to try her cell phone but she didn't answer. I was annoyed. "Why doesn't she answer her cell?" I thought. Only after I located her and handed over the purse did it finally occur to me why: because it was probably in her purse and I had been carrying it around the whole time. In my defense, the ringer wasn't on. "This is the kind of problem a man would never have" I thought.

The theme for the shower was "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and we were instructed to wear our little black dresses and pearls. Earlier in the day just after I had gotten dressed and was standing in front of the mirror it struck me that this is how I look all the time. I think "Breakfast at Tiffany's" has never gone out of style in the south. I decided I needed to be a little more over the top and add a longer strand of pearls. It's funny how the mind works. As I struggled to fasten them, straining and trying to avoid my curly locks in the back, I wondered how old this particular strand was. Was this the strand I'd bought at a good department store or one of the cheap stores? Just as I had that thought I heard a pop followed by the "tap-tap-tap-tap-tapping" sound of pearls raining down all over my tiled bathroom floor as I pulled too hard and broke my necklace. I was heartbroken. Guess that answers my question.

You think that's all don't 'cha? Oh there was more.

Earlier that day I'd been putting on panty hose when I heard a menacing "zip"as my thumbnail ripped through and the run zipped up my leg. "Oh yeah, I forgot to file that nail". Good time to remember. But not to worry, I had a backup plan: spray-on panty hose. Yes, you read right. I got it at Walgreens to wear for New Year's Eve but it had been so cold I'd worn real panty hose instead. The weather this weekend was gorgeous and a shower with just a few of the bride's friends, most of whom I barely know, made this the perfect setting for my experiment. No crowded party, no public display to worry about, nothing could have been safer.

The way you put these "panty hose" on is you spray them (or "it") on your legs and then you rub it on like makeup. In fact that's exactly what it is. It's makeup for your legs. "Brilliant!" Later on at the shower I showed off my new legs. They looked airbrushed....just like a photograph. All the other girls were very impressed and asked where they could get some. Everything was great and I left the shower. After going to all that trouble to get dressed I wasn't ready to go home and undo it all, so I decided to stop by and visit a friend on the way home instead. The sun went down and it got cold...really cold....should have worn real panty hose cold.